Night Out Receipts: ‘Extreme’ Amyl, Taramasalata, Cocaine In a White Mercedes-AMG

Alice, 28, Glebe

6:15pm: It’s a Friday evening and I’ve gotten off work early. An itinerary full of niche references only my close friends would understand fully is texted to a group chat with four of us. My best friend moved to Europe six months ago and is back visiting so we’re preparing for a big weekend.

The first activity: “Corner - beers”. “Corner” is our name for this pub we go to a lot. I order a rideshare to my friend’s next door. $22.98.

6:45pm: I’m greeted with a cold Peroni and we smoke some cigs on her balcony. We decide to skip Corner and drink there. We get changed into the horniest clothes we own and I drink another beer from my friend’s fridge. $0.

7:30pm: I drink a third Peroni. $0.

8pm: By now I’m realising the original itinerary is out the door and the only solid plans are our 9:30pm booking at a boujee restaurant in the CBD and possibly hitting up this kinda guest-list-only establishment after – my friend knows the bouncer and he lets us wear hats and ripped jeans in there despite the strict dress code.

8:25pm: Three of us walk to a sex store and I buy some amyl – “Extreme” formula. $40.

8:40pm: We arrive at a local pub in Surry Hills where mainly skaters drink. I once poured a drink on a guy’s head here for doing something really bad that I can’t really mention. I order a schooner of pale ale for $9.15. 

We run into some friends, one of whom just got a lip flip so hilariously she can’t drink her vodka soda through the straw. 

9:10pm: Dinner is booked for four of us but two of the girls seem to be backing out ‘cause they’re anxious about various life things. My friend books the rideshare to the restaurant. $0.

9:30pm: We arrive at the restaurant and it turns out my friend knows not one but two of the waiters so she turns her flirt on. We check out the menu… This place is expensive. We order two dirty vodka martinis – they were on the house. $0.

9:45pm: We’re seated at our table and the waiter brings us four shots of amaro on ice, for free, thinking it’s going to be four of us for dinner. We start plotting our excuse for the no-shows. Car accident? Death in the family? We’re not sure if we’ll be charged for reducing the booking.

10:10pm: Our beef tartare arrives and we shovel it down while making fake calls to our other guests. We order the cheapest orange wine on the menu.

10:55pm: We check the itinerary and finally decide it’s not going to be gospel for the night. The rest of the food arrives. The beef tartare, taramosalata, saganaki and focaccia plus a bottle of wine come to a total of $234 We split it in half. $117.

11:11pm: Two free limoncellos arrive at the exact same moment my friend says “fuck it, we ball” so we decide that’s probably a sign to buy a bag. 

11:55pm: After paying, we move back to the restaurant’s front bar and two more martinis are made for us by a beautiful bartender who says he unfortunately isn’t allowed to drink with us. We leave without paying for them. I’m not sure if they were actually on the house or not. I may now be banned from this restaurant. $0.

12:20am: At this stage, we’re very drunk. We walk down the street to some random underground CBD bar, order a martini each ($18) and meet some guy who gets my number, disappears, then texts that he’ll pick us up in 30 minutes. Why? We don’t know… so we don’t follow through.

1am: We leave the bar and just outside it run into two lovely men who invite us to come do some cocaine with them. We sit in their white Mercedes-AMG, which is parked on a fairly busy CBD street, blasting trap music and sniffing their coke. I assume they do this a lot?? (The driver was sober, don’t worry.) $0.

3:15am: We’re bored of them and their coke so we decide to book a car ($12.98) back to mine to drink wine – without them. We say goodbye and exchange numbers. They were actually solid people, no weirdness.

3:45am: One of my housemates has been storing her half-drunk bottle of rosé on my shelf in the fridge for a week, so I figure it’s free rein and we finish it in my bed. $0.

4:55am: We finally pass out watching an episode of Skins UK on my laptop. Shit never gets old.

Total: $220.11. A truly quintessential girl’s night out!

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