The Pros and Cons of Copenhagen Fashion Week

Last week, Copenhagen was temporarily transformed into an even blonder, leggier and more heavily perfumed version of itself for the city's fanciest seasonal sensation—Copenhagen Fashion Week. Now, you may be one of the lucky souls who contributed your thigh gap and designer onesie or whatever to the sparkly scene that took place—but most likely, you're like us: we don't get "fashion" and will only put up with it if there's free alcohol involved.

Even though Balenciaga may very well be a finely herbed sausage for all you know, the Fashion Week does aim to set the bar as far as style goes for the next half year at least. So if you at some point find yourself inadvertently strolling down Strøget wearing only a trenchcoat and a pair of sandals, don't be alarmed. It's just fashion. You can't control it, but what you can do is prepare for it. In light of this, we've kindly compiled a handy little list of the pros and cons of the ensembles presented at Copenhagen Fashion Week—extremely useful for helping you navigate the haute couture drenched streets and snarky bikini bridged opinionators of post Fashion Week life. Or maybe this will just alleviate some of the pressure you feel to go be part of the fashiony crowd every season, because after all, fashion is simply super duper fucking weird.

PRO: OBNOXIOUSLY FEATHERY SWEATERS ARE IN
Are you meeting your e-beau on Sesame Street? If the answer is yes, then these are the perfect sweaters to showcase that you are situationally aware and also that you run this bitch. Pull on one of these bad boys and it's like, watch out Big Bird—there's a new boss in town and he isn't taking anyone's shit.

CON: OBNOXIOUSLY FEATHERY SWEATERS ARE IN
On the other hand, if you're going to a place that, you know, exists in the real world - this outfit might send the message that you give a bit too much of a fuck. But then again, giving too much of a fuck is pretty much what Copenhagen Fashion Week is all about, which explains why we saw a lot of these types of sweaters walking around with teensy little fashionista limbs poking out as accessories. But hey, you know, whatever floats your freaky little boat.

PRO: CREATIVE SHIT IS GOING DOWN
As easy as it is to laugh at fashion for being so… well, fashion-y, we're not gonna lie: when you're being handed two free glasses of wine just as some immaculate God with a man bun ushers you to your seat, you get a little more open minded than you thought you would. So when a show comes along which doesn't make you want to shatter your wine glass on the floor and stab a shard of glass into your eyeball, it's kind of hard not to be impressed. Indeed, we saw a few examples of this (Henrik Vibskov, hats off to you). On the other hand though…

CON: THAT'S NO EXCUSE FOR MAKING PRETENTIOUS CRAP
Not pointing fingers at anyone here, but there's definitely such a thing as creative directing a show to death with layers of pretentious hooey. At first, you're like, "Yeah, okay. These are dudes holding big cardboard briefcases and wearing aqua shoes with velcro straps and breathing through crumpled plastic bags over their heads as apocalyptic noise music plays over the speakers. I can get into this." But then your common sense sets in and it dawns on you, that if the expressions of utmost serious interest on the faces of the crowd around you are actually genuine, the world might as well end right then and there. Then of course one of the models "shoot" herself in a symbolic gesture of whatever and lies there long enough to give the fashion crowd ample opportunity for selfies. By then you're ready to call it a night and crawl back into bed to watch Netflix.

PRO: BOOBS ARE IN STYLE
Ladies, if you want to make a statement, look no further. This outfit is sure to showcase that you are the type of girl who likes to have fun. You're so carefree and outgoing, guys can really take you anywhere. You can often be found doing blow in the bathroom of the gay club with your bestie 'cause it's Wednesday night baby, and you're alive! Plus, if your tits are that taught and perky, who could blame you for flaunting those bad boys?

CON: REAL LIFE IS INFINITELY DIFFERENT
Sure, boobs are all the rage during fashion week, but whenever I whip out mine in public they're just "inappropriately uneven" and "staring at you angrily." Jeez.

PRO: HOT BODS ARE ROAMING FREE
Let's not forget that this is Denmark. Chances are, you see more impossibly beautiful and well-put together people biking beside your sweaty ass during your morning commute than you'd see in months in pretty much any other country. Now, take that Danish perfect gene you've grown accustomed to, multiply it by 10, throw lots of extra disposable time and income into the mix, and what do you have? The considerable majority of the people your eyeballs have the pleasure of encountering during fashion week.

So if you're one of those blessed people then by all means—please wear this. It's the trenchcoat flasher look that we've all been waiting to come into fashion but sadly never has.

CON: THOSE BODS ARE INFINITELY HOTTER THAN YOURS
We all look like battered pig's ass in comparison to the Norse gods of the runway. Also, your mom doesn't have 45 minutes every morning to airbrush abs on you before work.