What's up with Wales?

The other day Kasper, Vice Belgium’s handsome editor sent us an email called "What’s up with Wales?" In it was a gallery of drunk Welsh people bleeding and spitting on each other. While I was giggling our Welsh intern Catrin looked over my shoulder and shrugged, five minutes on Facebook later and she’d made her own gallery of lager nightmares. All her nights out seem to look like the gay Garbage Pail Kids doing the Vietnam war with piss instead of napalm, at the risk of losing her mates she let us put up the gallery and told us what a night out where she comes from is like…

Hi, I'm Catrin and I'm from Swansea. I don't really know where to start when it comes to describing a night out in South Wales. I thought it was pretty normal until I came to London. Now, in the presence of my English friends all my hometown memories seem like a fucking freak show.

There are two main differences when it comes to going on the piss in South Wales - staying local or going to town. Either one will be ridiculous. If you opt to stay local be prepared to witness drunk and naked rugby boys (possibly in fancy dress) who will piss, shit and puke anywhere.

Despite being award-winningly homophobic, these guys are very excited about rubbing and shaking their cocks all over each other. Luckily for us ladies though they drink through that stage after about 15 beers and will try and chat you up near the end of the night even though they have spent the last hour weeing on each other’s hands.

On the upside though, you'll be paying something ridiculous like £1.74 for a pint, so it’s nice and cheap.

If you decide to go to town, be it Cardiff or Swansea, you are diving into a massive shit storm of fighting, crying, puking, shagging, smashing stuff, skinny-dipping and lots of slags. Everyone here is orange and 'FUCKIN' LUVS IT!'

Without fail, within half an hour of getting out of the taxi, you'll see a group of girls in some slutty fancy dress, somebody dancing on top of a bus stop, a middle aged skin-head squaring up to a bouncer, a crying girl and a man in drag (he won't be gay either btw, all the actual gay guys are used as fire wood).

Although this all seems like hell on earth, I still go back. Last weekend I ended up in “Swansea's biggest rock club” Sin City. Every toilet (male and female) was sprayed with blood and the music was so loud I burst my eardrum and I had to go to hospital.

Home Sweet Home.

Update: It's Tuesday and Catrin was bleeding from her ear again last night, we're trying to get her to go to hospital.